The Grand Tour: Fife and Beyond

Ramblings of an inveterate cyclist

There are time when you are on a long cycle run and your concentration starts to wane, think, those long straight roads in France, with milestones reminding you every kilometre, just how far you still have to travel to your destination, or travelling during the night when all you can see is limited by the beam of your light. At such times I might sing away to myself, or recite poetry, and one in particular that I learned a long time ago as a schoolboy was ‘Boy in the train’ by Margaret C Smith.

It can be a bit embarrassing when another cyclist sneaks up behind you and as he passes you hear him mumble, “Englander fou”

Whit wey does the engine say ‘Toot-toot’?
Is it feart to gang in the tunnel?


Whit wey is the furnace no pit oot
When the rain gangs doon the funnel?
What’ll I hae for my tea the nicht?
A herrin’, or maybe a haddie?


Has Gran’ma gotten electric licht?


Is the next stop Kirkcaddy?

There’s a hoodie-craw on yon turnip-raw!
An’ seagulls! – sax or seeven.


I’ll no fa’ oot o’ the windae, Maw,
Its sneckit, as sure as I’m leevin’.


We’re into the tunnel! we’re a’ in the dark!
But dinna be frichtit, Daddy,
We’ll sune be comin’ to Beveridge Park,
And the next stop’s Kirkcaddy!

Is yon the mune I see in the sky?
It’s awfu’ wee an’ curly,


See! there’s a coo and a cauf ootbye,


An’ a lassie pu’in’ a hurly!
He’s chackit the tickets and gien them back,
Sae gie me my ain yin, Daddy.


Lift doon the bag frae the luggage rack,
For the next stop’s Kirkcaddy!

There’s a gey wheen boats at the harbour mou’,
And eh! dae ya see the cruisers?


The cinnamon drop I was sookin’ the noo
Has tummelt an’ stuck tae ma troosers. . .
I’ll sune be ringin’ ma Gran’ma’s bell,
She’ll cry, ‘Come ben, my laddie’,


For I ken mysel’ by the queer-like smell


That the next stop’s Kirkcaddy!

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